The Daily Satirist

Wit without mercy. Satire without apology.

Real headlines, satirical takes — every line backed by a real, tappable source.

Roasting everyone

Senate Forms Commission to Determine Why Its Commissions Never Accomplish Anything

Findings are expected to be reviewed by a future commission.

How each side told it

LEFTMSNBC“Senate Takes Bold Step Toward Real Accountability”CENTERAP News“Senate passes bill funding review of federal commissions”RIGHTFox News“Senate Blows Millions on Yet Another Bureaucratic Boondoggle”

The Senate voted 78 to 19 on Monday to spend $12 million establishing a commission to study why its previous commissions have produced no measurable results, a problem lawmakers agreed was urgent enough to require a year of further study.

The commission will deliver its recommendations in late 2027, at which point, officials confirmed, a separate panel will be convened to evaluate whether anyone read them.

Roasting the left

City Council Resolves Housing Crisis by Renaming It the “Housing Journey”

Rents remain unchanged, but are now described far more compassionately.

How each side told it

LEFTVox“How reframing the housing conversation centers the most vulnerable”CENTERBBC News“City council adopts new terminology in housing report”RIGHTNew York Post“Council spends three-hour meeting on word games as rents soar”

After a three-hour session, the city council voted unanimously to stop referring to its housing crisis as a “crisis,” replacing the term with “housing journey” in all official documents to better reflect, members said, the resilience of residents who can no longer afford to live there.

No new units were approved at the meeting, though the council did allocate funds for a consultant to ensure the updated language tested well with focus groups.

Roasting the right

Governor Eliminates Income Tax, Replaces It With Identical Charge Called the “Freedom Fee”

Residents will pay exactly the same amount, but patriotically.

How each side told it

LEFTHuffPost“Governor's 'tax cut' quietly shifts the burden onto working families”CENTERReuters“State replaces income tax with flat per-resident charge”RIGHTThe Daily Wire“Governor Delivers Historic Tax Relief to Hardworking Families”

The governor signed legislation Tuesday abolishing the state income tax and simultaneously introducing a “Freedom Fee,” calculated using the same brackets, collected by the same agency, and printed on the same form with a small eagle added to the corner.

At the signing ceremony, the governor called it the largest tax cut in state history, then asked residents to remit their first Freedom Fee by April 15.